Checkmate Procrastinate: The Hard-Wired Response That Drives Us To Distract (And How To Fix It)
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Our minds love to problem-solve. Creating pleasure from pain. So improving things feels good. But not when it's lose-lose…
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DB’s Coaching, Counselling & Cognitive Hypnotherapy Blog for Leighton Buzzard & Milton Keynes
Here's where I post what I write. Some may be useful. Some even entertaining. And if we're lucky, it's both.
Tribal Passion: How Our Need For Survival Can Hold Our Compassion Hostage
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The Prime Minister resigns. Cue huge split in opinion. But not about the fate of the country.
About compassion…
Read MoreHigh Achieving: Why Chasing Achievement Can Fail To Bring You The Feel-Good Hit You Expect
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I went to London recently to see some friends I haven't for a while. And this might seem trivial. But it was nearly a whole day spent on connection. And well away from anything I could consider 'productive'.
Now, it's not like I wouldn't have done that in the past. I would. And did. But I'd have found myself increasingly uncomfortable as the time-to-leave drew closer and closer.
But why?
Read MoreChange Of View: How Past Positives Can Keep You Running Back Instead Of Moving Forwards
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We can become upset when a new estate goes up across the road. Destroying the view of the fields and cattle we had before.
We complain to family and friends. Co-workers. Post to online forums. We worry about the traffic. It's grown worse the last few years. It can only get even worse now…
Read MoreGift-Wrap Guilt: Why Compliments Can Be So Painful And How To Soothe The Sting
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I never did well with compliments.
People would tell me how they enjoyed a gig after I'd played. And I'd always make self-deprecating jokes. And find a way to quickly move on.
It wasn't until I saw a friend play with his band I saw the impact it had…
Read MoreFailure To Invest: Why Our Most Painful Failures Can Be The Most Valuable
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Nobody likes to fail. Not really. But sometimes we need to.
I cracked my phone screen recently. A month old. First time ever. I'd always relied on a particular case. But with a change in design, I didn't spend any real time looking for something on par. "It'll be fine" I thought. And it wasn't.
But would my complacency have been shattered without such a blunder?
Read MorePart Of The Pack: How Simple Life Choices Can Leave You Out With The Wolves
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I was on a bike ride this weekend. A pub crawl, technically, (those were the checkpoints) except on wheels.
I've been doing it for 10 years. And what started as an off-cuff idea between friends, 15 years later, is now an organised community of cyclists. Riders come and go. People get busy. Move away. Gain commitments. But twice a year, the ride still goes ahead…
Read MoreScale Tips: How Your Social Equilibrium Can Stunt Your Efforts To Rebalance And Grow
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Striving for good enough, I thought I had to be unfazed by everything life threw at me. Little did I realise that was the set-for-failure expectation of the perfectionist in me…
Read MoreBusy Without A Cause: Why Lists Bring Decision Paralysis And How To Get Moving Again
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"What does success look like?" we ask to help avoid failure. And the answer may be easy mid-task. "When this is finished!". But then what?
Read MoreSoap Box Stress: How Your Rules Create The Very Problems You're Trying To Avoid
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Often find yourself on edge? Like a ready-to-boil-over pan, or Jenga pile nervously awaiting the next nudge?
I used to get stressed a lot. So much hacked me off. Slow drivers. Program crashes. Blown light-bulbs. Instruction manuals that didn't make sense just by staring at them blankly for four seconds…
Read MoreKilling The Urge: What Drives The Urge To Self-Terminate (And How To Combat It)
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Suicide. It's not something we like to talk about.
Keith Flint of Prodigy. Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. Chris Cornell of Audioslave and Soundgarden. And, of course, the beloved Robin Williams. All tragic losses…
Read MoreRat Race Refocus: How Changing Your Focus Can Reduce Depression Risk By 48%
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Planning on heading out over the next week or so?
Something I often did to combat fear of failure was focus too much on the have-to's, musts, and shoulds. I was always chasing my to-do list. Which often led to disconnection. And then on to depression…
Read MoreElephant Spotting: When Being Honest Gets You Further Than Being Nice
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"Thank you. You really frustrate me at times but ultimately help me". That's a text I got from client a little while ago after a session.
Now, a couple of years ago, that would've hurt on some level. I may have laughed it off. But it would've stung. I used to have an overwhelming need to be liked. And I know we all like to be liked. Who doesn't?
Read MoreThe Boss Illusion: Why Anxiety Itself Isn't The Real Problem
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A lot gets posted about anxiety these days. And it's great we're talking about it. But some of it just doesn't sit right with me.
We love to personify things… And if it helps create connection and understanding then I'm all for it.
But what about when it doesn't?
Read MoreDepression: An Open Letter To Those Who Struggle To Support You Through Your Darkest Days
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If you've felt depression's emptiness, this isn't for you. If you know what it's like to believe things never get better, despite past contradiction, this isn't for you.
This is for those of you who get frustrated when we can't tell you what's wrong. When we're inexplicably miserable, without cause that withstands logic or reason.
This is for those of you who…
Read MoreGiving Up On Giving Up: Is Abstinence Really The Answer To Addiction?
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I started drinking again recently. After struggling to stay quit for years, I finally stopped for almost five. Then I started again last year.
Why? I don't believe abstinence is always the answer.
Read MoreThe Last Next Time: Bittersweet Lessons From Grief
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I lost a friend five years ago this week. And I still think about him a lot.
Yet, memories that used to bring happiness and laughter - sometimes those same ones bring sadness now too. And maybe that seems obvious. But it wasn't always that way.
Read MoreProjecting Shapes: What Dancing Taught Me About Judgement And Compassion
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I went dancing recently. I love dancing. Though I most definitely didn't always.
My mum always used to talk about dancing when I was younger. Saying it was one of her favourite things. How she could just get lost in it. Go somewhere else. She'd always be first throwing shapes on the dance-floor.
For a long time, this was something I never really understood. The idea of stepping onto a dance-floor - let alone an empty one - filled me with terror.
Read MoreKeep On Scrolling: What Really Keeps You Glued To Your Phone?
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Smartphone addiction is a real thing, recent research suggests. But have we really got the full picture?
Recently, I watched the video of Simon Sinek talking about 'Millennials in the Workplace'. And if you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend you watch it.
He talks about the how and why Millenials got the deal they did. I found it insightful. A lot rings true. But not all.
Read MoreStressing About Stress: Learning To Be Truly Vulnerable (Instead Of Lying To Ourselves)
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Today I presented a workshop about stress to a business I'm working with. It went well. I had fun. But it wasn't all easy.
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